Lately the stanza that begins with these words from the poem Invictus by William Ernest Henley has been staying with me. In the last 2-3 months my life has felt like it is in a shambles. I have gone from great joy and certainty to lows which I would not wish on my worst enemy. There have been numerous times where I had wanted to just give in, give up to the seemingly overwhelming stresses of my life.
Yet somehow, someway, I always have come through back into the light of day. Not that I have done anything spectacular to overcome, just that I have accepted the difficulties and waded through them. At times I have felt bludgeoned and bloody, but unbowed. I feel as if I have been blessed with the "unconquerable soul" spoken of in the poem.
I do not know what life holds for me in the future, and sometimes I feel like a ship tossed about on the ocean with tattered sails and splintered rudder. I have felt insignificant and invisible in the vastness of the world's population. I doubt that my life will ever make a significant difference in the events of the world, but it is my life, and it makes a difference to me. And perhaps that is the only truth that I need to know.
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Thursday, October 05, 2006
You think you know me?
Well, here's your chance to prove it! Take the quiz below:
http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quizpage.php?quizname=061006001134-727251&
http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quizpage.php?quizname=061006001134-727251&
Thursday, September 21, 2006
On a serious note...
"We make war that we may live in peace."
-Aristotle
"Let him who desires peace prepare for war."
-Vegetius
"We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it."
-Dwight D. Eisenhower
"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
-George Orwell
"The nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten."
-Calvin Coolidge
"In war there is no substitute for victory."
-General Douglas MacArthur
For too long now I have stood by and allowed others to speak their minds, to revile and disparage against the leadership of this country, the war we are engaged in in the Middle East, and the military. That is their right as citizens of the United States, a right that I defend day in and day out as a member of the very same military they tear down at every opportunity.
For those out there who believe that we are just some massive war machine, warmongers bent on destruction and chaos, let me say one thing: You will never find more people wishing for peace in this world than in the military community!
War is an ugly business. But there are forces in this world that drive our human societies to engage in it nonetheless. War has existed for the whole of written history, and it existed long before. If you are of a religious belief, the book of Revelation speaks of War in Heaven, between the forces of God and those of Lucifer, who became the Devil.
Do I wish for peace? Absolutely! Everyday I pray for the end to hostilities and the safe return of our troops to their homes. Do I wish to see our forces 'cut and run'? No! It may take more time than we would like, and there will be casualties, but there will be no peace by us turning tail and giving free reign to those who seek to terrorize, brutalize and advocate anarchy.
Those we are fighting want nothing more than the utter destruction of all things in the Western World. They are willing to kill every American, and they don't care if you were for or against the war. So go ahead and continue to rally and raise your voices against the war, and against those who stand between you and the destructive forces of terror. We will continue to protect you, and your rights... to the last full measure!
"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."
-John Stewart Mill
-Aristotle
"Let him who desires peace prepare for war."
-Vegetius
"We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it."
-Dwight D. Eisenhower
"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
-George Orwell
"The nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten."
-Calvin Coolidge
"In war there is no substitute for victory."
-General Douglas MacArthur
For too long now I have stood by and allowed others to speak their minds, to revile and disparage against the leadership of this country, the war we are engaged in in the Middle East, and the military. That is their right as citizens of the United States, a right that I defend day in and day out as a member of the very same military they tear down at every opportunity.
For those out there who believe that we are just some massive war machine, warmongers bent on destruction and chaos, let me say one thing: You will never find more people wishing for peace in this world than in the military community!
War is an ugly business. But there are forces in this world that drive our human societies to engage in it nonetheless. War has existed for the whole of written history, and it existed long before. If you are of a religious belief, the book of Revelation speaks of War in Heaven, between the forces of God and those of Lucifer, who became the Devil.
Do I wish for peace? Absolutely! Everyday I pray for the end to hostilities and the safe return of our troops to their homes. Do I wish to see our forces 'cut and run'? No! It may take more time than we would like, and there will be casualties, but there will be no peace by us turning tail and giving free reign to those who seek to terrorize, brutalize and advocate anarchy.
Those we are fighting want nothing more than the utter destruction of all things in the Western World. They are willing to kill every American, and they don't care if you were for or against the war. So go ahead and continue to rally and raise your voices against the war, and against those who stand between you and the destructive forces of terror. We will continue to protect you, and your rights... to the last full measure!
"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."
-John Stewart Mill
Monday, September 11, 2006
5 years...
I recall the day vividly. September 11, 2001. I had arrived at Goodfellow Air Force Base, San Angelo, Texas, a couple months before, to begin my technical training for the Air Force. At the time I had actually been in the Air Force for 2 years, and had enjoyed it immensely. I thought I had a grasp of what the military was all about.
I had been sitting in my class for hours, and was definitely ready for a break. Petty Officer Bergreen, our instructor (POB G, as we liked to call him), could tell that most of us were drifting and allowed us to take a ten minute break. So as usual, we all drifted out to the lounge area of our schoolhouse, to sit and watch the news, or play chess, etc.
As I stepped into the lounge, I knew something was wrong. The room was filled to near overflowing, but it was deathly quiet. On the television, CNN was running live footage of the World Trade Center, its one tower spewing smoke. I wondered what had happened, but didn't dare ask in the silence. Minutes passed as everyone stared.
It wasn't long before we all were horrified to watch the live feed of a second airliner ram into the other tower, the flames erupting through the other side. Tears flowed freely from even the most hardened eye in the room. The significance of the event magnified exponentially.
At the end of our break our instructor came into the room. He had seen the same footage in the teachers lounge area. He knew what was occurring, understood the significance. Yet he herded us into our room, reminding us that our training didn't stop because of these events. We needed to continue our training if these types of actions were to be stopped.
Our base went to Force Protection Condition (FPCON) Delta, which meant a total lockdown of the base. In fact we were not even allowed to leave our building for many hours after the attacks. There was a lot of concern and speculation, as our base was with training focused on military intelligence.
The day continued on like that. Breaks were spent in the lounge watching news coverage of the attacks over and over. More news continued to pour in... the attack on the Pentagon, Flight 93. And conversations hinged on the events for days to come.
Do I remember wher I was on 9-11? Absolutely! It was a day I can never forget. My understanding of my postition as a member of the United States military underwent a significant change. My understanding of the world, and my standing in it has never be the same.
May we never forget the events of that day, or the sacrifices made.
I had been sitting in my class for hours, and was definitely ready for a break. Petty Officer Bergreen, our instructor (POB G, as we liked to call him), could tell that most of us were drifting and allowed us to take a ten minute break. So as usual, we all drifted out to the lounge area of our schoolhouse, to sit and watch the news, or play chess, etc.
As I stepped into the lounge, I knew something was wrong. The room was filled to near overflowing, but it was deathly quiet. On the television, CNN was running live footage of the World Trade Center, its one tower spewing smoke. I wondered what had happened, but didn't dare ask in the silence. Minutes passed as everyone stared.
It wasn't long before we all were horrified to watch the live feed of a second airliner ram into the other tower, the flames erupting through the other side. Tears flowed freely from even the most hardened eye in the room. The significance of the event magnified exponentially.
At the end of our break our instructor came into the room. He had seen the same footage in the teachers lounge area. He knew what was occurring, understood the significance. Yet he herded us into our room, reminding us that our training didn't stop because of these events. We needed to continue our training if these types of actions were to be stopped.
Our base went to Force Protection Condition (FPCON) Delta, which meant a total lockdown of the base. In fact we were not even allowed to leave our building for many hours after the attacks. There was a lot of concern and speculation, as our base was with training focused on military intelligence.
The day continued on like that. Breaks were spent in the lounge watching news coverage of the attacks over and over. More news continued to pour in... the attack on the Pentagon, Flight 93. And conversations hinged on the events for days to come.
Do I remember wher I was on 9-11? Absolutely! It was a day I can never forget. My understanding of my postition as a member of the United States military underwent a significant change. My understanding of the world, and my standing in it has never be the same.
May we never forget the events of that day, or the sacrifices made.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Before the Saga awards...
Well, I am finally getting around to writing about the latest fan fiction awards. The Before the Saga awards on theforce.net occurred on Saturday. I had qualified in 4 catergories... Best All Around, Best Songfic, Best Crossover, and Best Author. With those kind of odds you'd think I would come away with one award...
Nope!
I was a little frustrated as I watched the proceedings, because it seemed like... no, I take that back... it WAS the same people winning everything! And I'm not really upset about losing. Only one person could win. But when the same names come up over, and over, and over, and over again, it gets a little tedious and frustrating.
There have been a number of people suggesting that it is all a popularity contest, and I am starting to agree. I looked back over the list of winners from previous awards cycles, and guess what? I find the same names being repeated not only in the same awards ceremony, but year after year!
I understand that they are good authors, but there are plenty of good authors on the site... more so than get recognition. I know a number of folks who have decided to decline nominations rather than sit through the same situation time after time.
Is there a cabal pushing the victory of certain authors? Perhaps. I am not going to come out and say that there is a conspiracy because I don't have solid evidence... but I can't help being suspicious. I will just continue to hold my expectations for winning, low.
Well enough venting. There were plenty of folks out there that I thought should have won, yet were not afforded that opportunity. They remain winners in my book.
Nope!
I was a little frustrated as I watched the proceedings, because it seemed like... no, I take that back... it WAS the same people winning everything! And I'm not really upset about losing. Only one person could win. But when the same names come up over, and over, and over, and over again, it gets a little tedious and frustrating.
There have been a number of people suggesting that it is all a popularity contest, and I am starting to agree. I looked back over the list of winners from previous awards cycles, and guess what? I find the same names being repeated not only in the same awards ceremony, but year after year!
I understand that they are good authors, but there are plenty of good authors on the site... more so than get recognition. I know a number of folks who have decided to decline nominations rather than sit through the same situation time after time.
Is there a cabal pushing the victory of certain authors? Perhaps. I am not going to come out and say that there is a conspiracy because I don't have solid evidence... but I can't help being suspicious. I will just continue to hold my expectations for winning, low.
Well enough venting. There were plenty of folks out there that I thought should have won, yet were not afforded that opportunity. They remain winners in my book.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
The Force is strong with this one...
Star Wars Horoscope for Virgo |
 You show efficiency when working for a good cause. But you tend to be a bit fussy when it comes to doing something out of the ordinary. Like many Virgos, you want to stay out of the spotlight. You do well at picking up the smallest details. Star wars character you are most like: C3P0 |
Your Star Wars Name and Title |
 Your Star Wars Name: Phiba Bolan Your Star Wars Title: Selvan of Acinorev |
| Your Star Wars Pickup Line |
 "Nice buns, Princess! On your head, that is." |
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Bigfoot? Didn't see him -- Redwoods June 06
Well, I'm finally getting around to posting about our trip to Redwoods National Park. That's right, we took a trip up north to Bigfoot country to go camping with some of our good friends before they moved out of California to Texas (poor kids).
Anyway... we had an exciting time. The drive took about 6 hours, up windy mountain roads. I had a headache by the time we got to the camp site. But once we were there it was well worth it. The area was so amazing. I had never been to the Redwoods before and just seeing trees of that size was shocking to say the least.
The first picture here is in the Trees of Mystery. It cost a pretty penny to get in but was worth the cost. So many amazing sights were there. They had a tree called the Family Tree - it has 12 separate trees growing out of one main tree. It kind of looked like a candelabra, with individual trees growing from horizontal branches and stretching 40 feet up toward the sky. One thing I found out while there is that redwood trees do not have tap roots. Their root system only goes into the ground about 6 feet and spreads out to get the nutrients for the tree. It is amazing that such large trees do not have the support you would expect.
The second picture is from the top of the Trees of Mystery. They have a lift that takes you up to the top of the mountain and from there you can look out onto the Pacific. It was a beautiful sight to behold.
The third picture I took while we were driving along the Avenue of the Giants, north of Eureka, CA. My kids wanted to all climb up inside the tree, so I decided it would be the perfect photo op. I am still amazed at how large these trees are. My 7 year old son was able to stand up fully inside, without touching the top.
The final picture is from the Drive-thru tree at Myers Flat. It cost $1.50 for each adult and was free for kids 7 and under. $3 was a bargain to see this sight. If I had not been amazed at that point, this would have done it. It was a surreal experience driving through one of nature's amazing phenomena.
We all had an amazing trip up north. I would definitely recommend such a trip for anyone who loves nature or the outdoors. It is an experience that I will never forget, even if I didn't see the famous Sasquatch.
Anyway... we had an exciting time. The drive took about 6 hours, up windy mountain roads. I had a headache by the time we got to the camp site. But once we were there it was well worth it. The area was so amazing. I had never been to the Redwoods before and just seeing trees of that size was shocking to say the least.
The first picture here is in the Trees of Mystery. It cost a pretty penny to get in but was worth the cost. So many amazing sights were there. They had a tree called the Family Tree - it has 12 separate trees growing out of one main tree. It kind of looked like a candelabra, with individual trees growing from horizontal branches and stretching 40 feet up toward the sky. One thing I found out while there is that redwood trees do not have tap roots. Their root system only goes into the ground about 6 feet and spreads out to get the nutrients for the tree. It is amazing that such large trees do not have the support you would expect.
The second picture is from the top of the Trees of Mystery. They have a lift that takes you up to the top of the mountain and from there you can look out onto the Pacific. It was a beautiful sight to behold.
The third picture I took while we were driving along the Avenue of the Giants, north of Eureka, CA. My kids wanted to all climb up inside the tree, so I decided it would be the perfect photo op. I am still amazed at how large these trees are. My 7 year old son was able to stand up fully inside, without touching the top.
The final picture is from the Drive-thru tree at Myers Flat. It cost $1.50 for each adult and was free for kids 7 and under. $3 was a bargain to see this sight. If I had not been amazed at that point, this would have done it. It was a surreal experience driving through one of nature's amazing phenomena.We all had an amazing trip up north. I would definitely recommend such a trip for anyone who loves nature or the outdoors. It is an experience that I will never forget, even if I didn't see the famous Sasquatch.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Rise of the Tusken Raiders
I am so sore right now! Ok, so you're asking yourself what does that have to do with the title here? Standby and I will tell you the story...
Last week a friend of mine called and conned me into participating as part of a 4 man team in a race here at Beale Air Force Base, as part of the Recce Challenge Adventure Series. The race was called a Run, Paddle, and Bike. I came to find out that I had been duped into something much more intense than I had initially thought.
The race would consist of a 2 mile bike ride, then the entire team had to paddle a raft around a bouy (which ended up being .25 miles in distance), followed by a 2.2 mile run, and finishing up with a 5.6 mile bike ride, including climbing some pretty rough hills. Yes this was all off-road as well! So about 10 miles distance for the whole race.
As I arrived at the starting area my friend told me what he had entered our team as... The Tusken Raiders. Now of course I was stoked! But I was sure once everyone else heard the name they would think I came up with it, and not my friend. Anyway, our team ended up being in the third heat, which meant we sat around for 40 minutes before we started (so glad I got up at 6:30am for this).
As we started off everything was going well, then right after the first turn my bike chain came off... I knew right then that I was in for a rough morning! The rest of the race went as expected; every other team kicked our tails from here to there and everywhere in between. Like I said, that was kind of expected. I mean, we were going up against teams with people preparing to run marathons, people who bike avidly, and the undisputed fastest man on base (seiously this guy runs 1.5 miles in 7:30 flat!).
Despite the fact that our team did not perform as well as we had hoped, it was still a great victory for all of us. When you have people at the start of the race saying, "You guys are doing this?", and yet you are still able to finish the entire race, it gives you the ability to hold your head high and know that you have accomplished something. Not for a trophy that will sit and collect dust beside numerous other trophies... Not for the glory of winning... But for the simple fact that you can look yourself in the mirror while you rub ointment into your throbbing joints and muscles, moaning in pain and misery, and say, "I did it! I finished! I succeeded!"
Last week a friend of mine called and conned me into participating as part of a 4 man team in a race here at Beale Air Force Base, as part of the Recce Challenge Adventure Series. The race was called a Run, Paddle, and Bike. I came to find out that I had been duped into something much more intense than I had initially thought.
The race would consist of a 2 mile bike ride, then the entire team had to paddle a raft around a bouy (which ended up being .25 miles in distance), followed by a 2.2 mile run, and finishing up with a 5.6 mile bike ride, including climbing some pretty rough hills. Yes this was all off-road as well! So about 10 miles distance for the whole race.
As I arrived at the starting area my friend told me what he had entered our team as... The Tusken Raiders. Now of course I was stoked! But I was sure once everyone else heard the name they would think I came up with it, and not my friend. Anyway, our team ended up being in the third heat, which meant we sat around for 40 minutes before we started (so glad I got up at 6:30am for this).
As we started off everything was going well, then right after the first turn my bike chain came off... I knew right then that I was in for a rough morning! The rest of the race went as expected; every other team kicked our tails from here to there and everywhere in between. Like I said, that was kind of expected. I mean, we were going up against teams with people preparing to run marathons, people who bike avidly, and the undisputed fastest man on base (seiously this guy runs 1.5 miles in 7:30 flat!).
Despite the fact that our team did not perform as well as we had hoped, it was still a great victory for all of us. When you have people at the start of the race saying, "You guys are doing this?", and yet you are still able to finish the entire race, it gives you the ability to hold your head high and know that you have accomplished something. Not for a trophy that will sit and collect dust beside numerous other trophies... Not for the glory of winning... But for the simple fact that you can look yourself in the mirror while you rub ointment into your throbbing joints and muscles, moaning in pain and misery, and say, "I did it! I finished! I succeeded!"
Thursday, May 11, 2006
What have I gotten myself into?
Ok, so I'm not the usual one you would find writing blogs. I don't like talking about myself or my life. I just don't see myself as that interesting, although my wife would disagree and probably be ticked at me for saying so. So why in the world would I start a blog?
Good question. Does anyone have an answer for me? I guess the reason would probably be so that I have yet another place to discuss my increasingly overwhelming need... scratch that... compulsion to write. Currently it is all about writing Star Wars fanfic. That's right I am a Star Wars geek, completely and totally. I have been so addicted to it lately it seems to just want to take over my life, which I say wouldn't be a bad thing.
But I also have numerous other writing projects which I do and I just seem to get so much enjoyment out of bringing characters and stories to life. I honestly think I could be completely content with my life if I could write full time. However the truth of the matter is that I cannot afford to do that at the moment. And the sad part about it is I don't know if I'll ever have the time or resources to do it professionally.
See this is why I don't normally do this. I just have a hard time opening up. Maybe doing this will help.
Good question. Does anyone have an answer for me? I guess the reason would probably be so that I have yet another place to discuss my increasingly overwhelming need... scratch that... compulsion to write. Currently it is all about writing Star Wars fanfic. That's right I am a Star Wars geek, completely and totally. I have been so addicted to it lately it seems to just want to take over my life, which I say wouldn't be a bad thing.
But I also have numerous other writing projects which I do and I just seem to get so much enjoyment out of bringing characters and stories to life. I honestly think I could be completely content with my life if I could write full time. However the truth of the matter is that I cannot afford to do that at the moment. And the sad part about it is I don't know if I'll ever have the time or resources to do it professionally.
See this is why I don't normally do this. I just have a hard time opening up. Maybe doing this will help.
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